Why are Gen Z men happier to live with their mum than with a partner? - The Independent

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Bin those red roses and put down your love letters: we’re officially in a relationship recession. New research from think tank The Centre for Social Justice (CSJ) has revealed that young men are now 26 times more likely to live with their mum than their wife by the time they turn 25, with marriage rates down 97 per cent for young men compared with 50 years ago. And before you say it was a different time (which of course it was), the same study found that fewer than one quarter of young women of the same age still live at home (22.3 per cent), compared to more than one third of young men (34.9 per cent).

Edward Davies, the research director behind the report, called its findings “problems that should worry all of us as it is the country’s future that is being failed”.

Half of young renters spend, on average, 50 per cent of their income on rent; AI is massacring graduate jobs quicker than Liz Truss can crash an economy, and my generation is continuously being told the world’s about to end thanks to a climate catastrophe, geopolitical disaster, or both. But why are young men seemingly less resilient than their female peers?

They lack the thick skin and life experience of their older counterparts. Why are they turning to their mums for comfort to get through this global sh*tshow instead of a partner?

Twenty-four-year-old Jay Turofsky lives with his parents and 30-year-old brother in Elstree, on London’s commuter belt. He moved back into his childhood bedroom after university to give himself some financial breathing space while he pursues a career in radio. He explains: living at home is “the best way possible that I could live near London and have the advantage of being close to the capital whilst paying no rent”.

As a freelancer with multiple unstable income streams, he’d need to work eight days a month just to cover the rent on a flat in the capital, let alone other essentials or an evening out. That’s not feasible for him this early in his career, where work can be sporadic.

Although London rents are notoriously high, prices are unaffordable across the UK. In north Cornwall, Will Holmes, also 24, recently returned home to his mum and stepdad after splitting up with his partner. They charge him about half the market rate in rent, but he still wants to move out. It’s hard, though, as moving is expensive.

“Being in Cornwall, jobs are very seasonal,” he says. “There aren’t as many concrete careers as there are in the city, so if you want one, you have to move. But it’s a catch-22 – you’re struggling to make the money to be able to make that move.”

It’s just down to the age that we’re in and the way that men have interacted with each other. We’ve created this culture of not being able to fail

Of course, young women face these economic barriers too, but they don’t live at home in the same numbers as young men. There is a full 13-point gap between the genders when it comes to boomeranging back to the nest, even after initially moving out. Have we created a generation of “Timothys” – the sad character played by Ronnie Corbett in the BBC sitcom Sorry!, who lived with his parents, especially his domineering mother, Mrs Lumsden

The men I speak to concede that blokes are less proactive about moving out than their female friends, but there are other reasons too. However complex and daunting the world seems, women seem less anxious about taking it on than men, who are much more hesitant to take risks. And a manosphere that splits the world between winners and losers seems to be compounding this anxiety.

“In the age of social media, a lot of men feel a lot of pressure to be successful, which causes a lot of insecurity,” explains Sam Jennings, 24, who currently lives in an annexe in his parents’ garden. “A lot of my peers are often scared to take that step and move out and face loneliness or failure… It’s just down to the age that we’re in and the way that men have interacted with each other. We’ve created this culture of not being able to fail.”

Flying the nest simply feels like too much a risk, too far for some. According to NHS England, almost half of men who live alone experience loneliness, compared with around a third of women. And where young women generally make an effort to build each other up, there’s nothing most young men like doing more than taking their mates down a peg or two, often without realising the emotional impact it’s having.

When parents are there to offer support and a safe harbour, you can see why some young men are in no hurry to move out. Holmes and Jennings all say their folks are supportive of them living at home, and that they get on well, so don’t feel pressure to leave – a luxury not everyone has.

In fact, Jennings’ parents went above and beyond to keep him nearby, giving up their garden and paying to build an annexe in its place. A literal half-way house.

At the time, 19-year-old Jennings was working full-time and sharing a room with his 15-year-old brother. Most of his mates had left for university and he wanted a fresh start of his own. He couldn’t find anywhere affordable to move out, so mum and dad built the annexe, complete with a mini kitchen, plumbed-in bathroom and living/sleeping area.

“It is great for my parents because it increases the value of the house and gives them a better asset,” Jennings says. “My siblings and I can live in it, then once we're done, they can Airbnb it and make the money back that they spent on building it.”

The difference between the CSJ’s doom-mongering tone and Jennings’ upbeat approach to his circumstances is striking. Rather than seeing living at home as a failure or something to be embarrassed about or endured until something better comes along, for Gen Z’s like Jennings it’s become a positive and practical way of maintaining a decent way of life.

The lads are quick to point out the benefits of living with their parents, including spending more time with family and being able to focus on building a career rather than tedious life admin or constantly hustling to make ends meet.

“I don’t necessarily think it’s an issue. If it’s something that benefits you, why should it be a problem?” says Turofsky. “It’s nice being at home and surrounded by the people who you know are going to support you the most.”

This is, perhaps, part of the problem. Living at home can act as a cosy comfort blanket that it’s difficult to unwrap yourself from, making it harder to face the cold, harsh realities of life later on.

“Having that safety net of your parents can make you feel too comfortable,” says Will Holmes. “You can lose sight of your ambitions or what you want to do. It can stop you from striving.”

Holmes is talking about his career, but he could just as easily be talking about romantic endeavours. It’s nigh on impossible to find a partner without a few messy encounters along the way, but they’re hard to come by when your parents are asleep a few feet away. Or there in the morning offering a cup of tea to someone you’re not sure you may even see again.

“If I do meet a girl [on a night out] that I want to bring back, I do find it hard”, says Holmes. “There are certain connotations behind bringing someone back that you probably don’t want your parents being involved with unless it’s someone you see a future with.”

So there’s not much chance of meeting your wife while you live with your mum. As long as that’s the case, the relationship recession shows few signs of recovery.

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