Rated and Slated: Things We Hate and Love Online This Week

Welcome to RATED AND SLATED, the column that is terminally online so you don’t have to be.

I don’t know what the big deal is. The new Netflix reboot of the Stanford prison experiment, which was originally held to determine how quickly you could turn humans into sadistic fascists, will probably be more heartwarming and edifying than any of the content I am served up by the algo on a daily basis. Personally, I’m looking forward to a little balm for the soul.

Netflix has announced a new reality series titled ‘THE NEW STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT’.The series follows 30 participants who enter a real prison and are randomly assigned as guards or prisoners. They must see if they conform to the roles or if morality wins. pic.twitter.com/sGLMA5ZH3V

This week, the internet has been doing what it does best: testing your patience and belief in humanity’s innate goodness. So crank up the voltage, the experiment is you, and these are the conditions they will be exposing you to.

John Lydon-level hostility towards every interviewer but he does this 😃 the whole time so they don't know what to do. Genius. https://t.co/TA57oxnTi8

If this is what an Operating Thetan looks like at 64, then perhaps I need to get on this Scientology flex. Hey, Xenu, how many lives do I have to ruin for the secret of eternal youth?

Drake turns into an emo goth for the “Princess” music video with Pinkchyu pic.twitter.com/Ls6DqZRaRV

I’m forever waking up to an IG feed full of morons trying to live like a celebrity on a strip-mall budget, so most days, I’ve got FOMO before I’ve even put clean Y-fronts on. I get my revenge on the world on the last Friday of every month, when I take my Snifffr.com earnings straight to bottle service, then crap myself silly in the VIP stalls. Talk about trickle-down economics!

Look, you could spend thousands of hours playing the guitar and never come up with anything as enthralling as “Gimme Shelter”—so why not just sink all that time into the new Grand Theft Auto instead? Chances are Keith Richards is a gooner gamer too now that all his beloved smack is laced with fent.

ALERT: Dog seen getting sprayed down with water by a massive drone in the middle of the street.A company in Linyi, China, staged the stunt to showcase the capabilities of its new drone technology.The drones are actually designed to spray water onto solar panels to wash off… pic.twitter.com/hKipQViLP0

I’m hopeful that, after rogue AI has cleared out my life savings and I’m forced to live on the streets, a contraption like this might come along and give me the occasional wash. At least I’d get to show up all the other broke bitches down at the dog pound.

I predicted this like ten years ago. A white boy compiled of only Kendrick’s Weird Guy voices. https://t.co/xADWdsL0am

Underground rapper Dru Kelly claims that this is how all music will sound in 2075, by which point I expect that, with any luck, I will very much be dead—though, the way things are going, there’s a good chance my body will be kept alive in a state of suspended animation so my brain can keep churning out VICE articles in perpetuity. Come to think of it, “POCKET BOOK” does sound like someone trying to break in from the other side of my medically induced coma to tell me it’s finally time to log off.

imagine if someone in 2016 told me that in 10 years I’d have more respect for Macklemore than Radiohead. the kind of prediction that medieval kings used to kill their seers for making.

Everyone’s so quick to judge these days, but just because Macklemore got dropped from the tour after saying he was against genocide doesn’t mean Ed Sheeran is picking a side. When my IDF buddies and I use “Shape of You” for our headcam kill montages, it’s not because we like his music, it’s just that we’re big fans of his apolitical stance.

for every act of micro feminism i do sydney sweeney sets feminism 100 years back pic.twitter.com/qEg810gn1J

In the future, when dwindling birth rates mean the last fertile men are zipped into milking sacks with VR headsets showing nothing but sports, sports, sports, sports, their brain chips ensuring frictionless access to prediction market platforms where they can spend every penny of hard-earned sperm donor UBI (just no betting on wars and deaths, and no politics), we might finally settle the question of whether Sydney Sweeney taking her clothes off in an advert constitutes a form of feminism. The answer? Who gives a fuck.

You might think that being encased in a carbonite block and suffering the indignity of Aerosmith fans eating charcuterie off his frozen face would be a fitting end for Steven Tyler. Unfortunately, this looks like it’s AI.

This is what I was talking about https://t.co/dRd3wjuJHS pic.twitter.com/a1EjFYiJ9z

Parents will spend all Halloween worrying that horror-movie jump scares have robbed kids of their natural fight-or-flight reflex, leaving them susceptible to abduction while trick-or-treating. Little do they know there’s a pedophile pumpkin crooning them sweet nothings as they drift off to sleep. Talk about the call coming from inside the house.

Pompeii X RC DeportivoDirección creativa y producción con IA por @wekkerstudios Spec ad, non afiliated to @PompeiiBrand and @RCDeportivo pic.twitter.com/MvLLlMvgDH

If AI had any kind of artistic sensibility, then the Romain Gavras music video getting ripped off here would be “Born Free” by M.I.A., but instead of freaky redheaded models being chased through a dystopian hellscape, it would be hapless clankers getting hunted down and killed by a horde of rabid humanists. Woo!